If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
