Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
