just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
