Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
