So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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