I think my fart just growled at me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
