what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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