i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
