Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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