i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
