lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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