you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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