wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
