im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
