I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
