he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
