ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
