I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone shit on the floor
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
