this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
