Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this is an emotional support booty call
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