I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
