which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
