I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
