oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize