A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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