6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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