maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
