Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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