Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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