I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
