my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize