My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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