Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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