If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We need to rekindle our bromance
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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