You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
