C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've blown a few things in my day
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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