I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
