If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
