Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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