I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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