No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
