I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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