dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
