how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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