Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
