in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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