i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
