dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
