true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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