Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
