my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this boner is exhausting
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
