I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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