Your tits are I can't wait for
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
