There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
