I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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