I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
