There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize