He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
